Soccerball

When it comes to the Sydney v Melbourne debate, the jury’s still out for me. Sure, Melbourne doesn’t have the instantly striking glitz and glamour of Sydney but then maybe that’s part of its appeal. It’s a grower, a city which subtly casts its spell, in which the sound of trams, the smell of coffee and the sight of graffiti is just as satisfying as the egg shell of an opera house and coat hanger of a bridge looming large over your shoulder. I have no doubt arriving here from Canberra adds to its impact, the hustle and bustle a welcome respite from comfortable public-servantsville.

Sure, arriving on a Sunday morning is hardly rush-hour hustle and bustle yet still the buzz is there, arriving at the architecturally spectacular and amazingly functional Southern Cross station, catching the free city circle tram and checking out the Queen Victoria Markets where you’re just as likely to buy a box of oranges from a Chinese woman as you are a didgeridoo from an Aboriginal elder. I’m not a big markets person, but this was pretty fun… as usual I levitated to the food parts and enjoyed a rum slice with my first coffee of the day.

An hour or so later I took on my second coffee over at Fitzroy Gardens, the home of beautiful spring blooms and Captain Cook’s cottage. Can you believe this Captain Cook dude? I live in Captain Cook Crescent with a Captain Cook plant in the garden and often pass the Captain Cook memorial fountain, now here I was at a replica of his Yorkshire home complete with lard and Geoffrey Boycott. He couldn’t have spent much time in his home though, what with traveling the world, giving herpes to Tahitians, running aground on the barrier reef and being beheaded by some Hawaiian surfers. I don’t think he ever came within 500 miles of Melbourne (ah, a true Sydneysider through and through), so god only knows why his house from Yorkshire is here.

You know, given my recent exposure, I’m thinking of undertaking a Captain Cook travel adventure, where I pretend my name’s Danny Wallace or Tony Hawkes and recount a series of slightly amusingly unlikely anecdotes as I travel the land in hunt of Captain Cook memorials. There’s probably a Captain Cook banana in Queensland and a Captain Cook Commemorative Lobster over in WA, maybe even a Captain Cook Cookbook Cook off Facebook network.

As nice as Fitzroy Gardens was, I couldn’t dwell in British colonialism much longer and decided it was time to become a true Melbournian and go and watch some sport. It’s AFL finals time and so, perversely, I went to watch some good ol’ fashioned “soccer” where there wasn’t a wifebeater, mullet and pair of tight shorts in sight (OK, well, maybe in the crowd there was…). Melbourne Victory v the Central Coast Mariners, the Hyundai A-League game the world has been living on the edge for. To be honest, a big part of the appeal wasn’t the reasonably mediocre football action but a chance to take in the amazing Telstra Dome, another example of the bold, confident, exemplary standard of the sporting infrastructure over here…they even have slots in the coliseum like arena where you can buy your pie and watch the football at the same time for goodness sake! Genius.

The football action was as expected. From what I’ve seen of the A-league, there’s plenty of enthusiasm but nothing much happens for 75 minutes, when someone decides, oh, maybe we should try and actually put the ball in that white net thingey and it’s all hands to the pump for a frenetic 20 minutes. So whilst the highlight of the first half was the sunset over the apocalyptic Dockland cranes at half time, I really enjoyed the latter part of the second half, buoyed on by the endless singing of the passionate Victory supporters.

Whilst I may mock in my superior colonial ways, the growth of the A-league is nothing less than encouraging, led by Melbourne who have a regular fanbase of 20,000, many of whom are ridiculously young and trendy. Sure, the guys behind me were talking about some AFL bloke called Chris Judd (and his hot girlfriend) coming back to Melbourne for most of the time but with 27,000 in the Dome and the roof on, there was plenty of atmosphere going around… enough to give me that pre-kick off buzz and I even edged towards the edge of my seat in the last 10 minutes. Alas it remained 0-0 at full time but it was worth a twenty dollar note for the experience. Having said that, it would be awesome to go there for a full house AFL game between two Melbourne teams, awesome.

The rest of my stay in Melbourne was very much work related but I squeezed in a dinner out in Box Hill, a big Chinese and Asian area where seafood dumplings and Mongolian lamb was very much the order of the day. All this accompanied by some fine wine, chosen by someone who has 2000 bottles of the stuff in his cellar, so I learnt a little along the way. And then come Tuesday night I was out of there, back to Canberra, back to where else but Captain Cook Crescent.